i've been spending infinitely more time on the phone and in the presence of my mother. i'm sure this has something to do with the getting older process but the more i chat with her the more of a friend she becomes.

and i realize that friendships are not so sure as i once wished. instead of being upset about it, i find myself relieved. something similar to this happened my senior year in high school and it made it much easier for me to come here and start over.

i seem to have all these swirling thoughts in my head and believe because i've thought it i have said it when nearly every time it isn't so. i am accused of being insular. i once told someone that i have no need to experience physical things because they are so much brighter in my imagination and that having experienced it there i feel as if it has already occurred. for me, to speak is to dissolve the dream.

i have mirrored and reciprocating freckles on my forearms. when i was little, i would stare at them for hours and in the summer i would lie in the grass and hope they would multiply. sadly, my skin darkened and the freckles were unfortunately sterile. i wanted so badly to have freckles on my face. my kindergarten teacher had freckles only on her left side. she said that when she was two her parents put her beneath a tree in a park and the sun shone only on that side. at the end of the day when they took her home they saw her asymmetry. throughout her childhood, her mother would use a eyeliner to mark "freckles" on the right. the day my teacher was married she stopped drawing them on and disgusted her mother in the process. i thought she was the most beautiful person in my life.

while driving and crying freshman year i came across a really lovely blue house with red shutters somewhere near kadie ann's parents' home. the windows were open and i could see a family in the dining room. i stared at them from the road for several minutes when a little blonde, curly-haired girl came to the window and waved at me. she had the kindest eyes, much like my great-grandmother's whose passing was the reason for my endangerment to those who unknowingly dared to be on the road with me. now, every time i'm in hoover and alone i try to find this place but i never can. i'm certain it disappeared.

~you squeezed my hand and told me softly that i shouldn't be afraid~

i have $8000 to spend next year on bands to come play in the attic. i'm limiting/cutting the silly "board game" and "let's color" nights since only two people participated in them anyway and a big goal of mine is to increase the variety of people that hang out in the attic. and no, sga still won't fund a flat-screen tv for the space.

already on the agenda: wild sweet orange, the modern skirts. so, in order to make this year an enjoyable one musically i need people to tell me who/what they want to hear. the money is there.

so tell me.

~you all want the lovely music to save your lives~

i'm back guys and i'll warn you: i don't want to be here. i have many incredibly justifiable reasons but given that i have one year of schooling to finish, i'll do that, and be gone. i don't want to seem harsh but when you are on the edge of everything you wanted you wish to jump off and into this amazing future that stares you in the face.

they want my grant proposal. i'm beginning to translate the 20 page document into spanish. i'm meeting with gawronski as soon as possible and reworking some parts. essentially, the peruvian government is funding a project called "agua para todos" to be completed in one year that will provide water to the streets of each villa el salvadoran sector, 11 total. if the residents of v. salvador want indoor running water they must pay for it themselves, but there's absolutely no way they could. so, my grant proposal will go toward funding this for each of those families. i met with the leaders of each zone and i'm going to begin looking for ngos that will take this project. if all works out, i can return after graduation and see it implemented. 

52,000 families will have running water. they will no longer have it trucked to them once a week and placed in oversized garbage cans for storage. they will no longer suffer from ridiculous diseases like amebiasis. they will be able to bath regularly (as opposed to the current once every three weeks).

i want this to happen so badly. and in order to do that i'm making some changes, mainly greek ones. as much as i love my sisters i need more time to devote to these important ventures and i'm already overbooked. i'll appreciate their friendship and support for a long time but i can do that without being with them at chapter, rush, and parties. i think most people, if they are honest with themselves, know that the greek system is inherently frivolous. that doesn't mean it has no merits; it's just not necessary. and i look forward to leading a simpler life, certainly not boring just simpler. next year may be rough at moments but 52,000 families is worth the sacrifice.

i entered as an independent and will leave as one.

also, what's this nonsense about a band called the shining path? do they even know what that is? and how they killed the organized poor in peru. it's the most ridiculous form of communism. what happened to uplifting the proletariat? guzman was the craziest man ever born in peru and did nothing but contribute to more destruction and years of pain. sorry to rant but i've met families from villa el salvador (this is a slum village friends, not upper class... they live on less than a dollar a day) who had loved ones murdered by the shining path. someone needs to alert these misinformed american musicians. how can you support something so nefarious?

while watching my "sick" little sister today i heard the most wondrous quote ever made. and it wasn't like i was trying to pull something like this out of her. i didn't even mention politics. more precious, perfect words have never been spoken.

george bush got shot in the tummy and then he died on the cross.

i almost fell over i was laughing so hard. she says that's how mom explained it to her. now, i know my mother is a bit crazy on the conservative side of things but there's no way she went this far. oh how i love the mind of a five year old.

~on the small side of tiny and lacking in perpendicular~

concert season: round 2.

zydeco: wild sweet orange
workplay: preston lovinggood of wild sweet orange & jay clifford of jump little children
bjcc: modest mouse (tentatively)
the tabernacle: arctic monkeys

and i'm sure i'll see wso about a thousand other times between now and when i leave for perú.

the arctic monkeys have managed to mix the dark with the cute in a jolting,dance-inducing way, making favourite worst nightmare their best album so far- and i own everything available. they're precise but not annoying, witty but not condescending. and they're young. my favourite songs are flourescent adolescent, only the ones who know, old yellow bricks, and 505. check them out and love them.

i need to get off campus. some days it weighs so heavily on my soul. i'm battling apathy in the face of too many projects, papers and tests. i'm escaping to somewhere behind vulcan for a few days. i'm watching katie and morgan on saturday. we have plans to ride bikes and fly kites.

i'll be the quest II attic coordinator next year. please give me ideas for bands to bring in. affordable, quality ones only.

do we know if it's at all feasible to get the blakes?

i got female house director of the year. and i have only 25 days until i move into a better apartment which will bring many more responsibilities and worries. but i get a full kitchen and a balcony.

~discarding all the naughty nights for niceness~

what do you think about necessary mistakes? be as objective as possible. 

~i need you so much closer~

here is the article i've written about the lass to appear in the hilltop news. feel free to ream as i'm sending it in tomorrow and don't want to appear idiotic.


~so put me where i belong~

good, because that's our natural state of mind. we won't accept anything less.

i love wild sweet orange.

~knock it down, pave it over~